Fuddlands #1 (and only) source of news
Featuring all the news that’s fit to fabricate
P. Pigg Proprietor
From the Local News Section –
Wolf’s Lair - His Excellency, Elmer von Fudd, Großherzog of Fuddland, announced today that next Friday will be a national day of mourning in memory of Erzherzog Ferdinand von Kesselstein of Schnitzengruben, whose untimely departure has caused great concern and grief among his former subjects. We feel the loss of the people of Schnitzengruben and offer our comfort and support, especially to those regions comprised of ethnic Fuddlanders.
Wolf’s Lair – The newest crop of Fuddland Military Officers were commissioned last Friday here at the Fuddland Military Academy. A class of 31 new Infantry, Marine, Cavalry and Artillery Officers received their commissions from the Grand Duke himself. Nine Naval officers in the graduating class were commissioned two weeks earlier so they could join the RFN (Royal Fuddland Navy) in time to depart with the Grand Fleet as they undergo maneuvers under Admiral Black Jack Shellacque.
In addition to his Excellency Elmer, other notable dignitaries in attendance were Minster of War Johs Semity-Sam; Academy Commandant Daph E. Duc; General Wyl E. Coyote; Head of the Fuddland Stasi, Colonel B. Bunnie; The Grand Duchess Christina; and the Lady Bouncee Boobees.
Court sources, speaking on the condition of anonymity, indicate that following the graduation ceremony the Lady Boobees give each of the newly commissioned Officers a special gift in private.
From the Science Section –
Fuddsburg, Acme Institute of Science and Technology - Dr. Everett von Scott, Chancellor of the Acme Institute of Science and Technology today announced that full scale production has begun on the new Light Cavalry double Barreled Fowling Pistol. Development was commissioned by General Wyl E. Coyote in honor of our beloved Grand Duke, whose fondness of the double barrel fowling piece is legendary. The pistol which comes in the standard Horse Pistol Caliber of .67, has two smooth bores, and can be loaded with buck shot, gravel, glass, nails, or ball. It is the intent of the Ministry to issue each Light Cavalry Trooper with a brace of the new pistols. According to General Coyote; “In theory, they should be devastating against those pesky infantry squares.”
From the Social Pages –
The summer palace, Wolf’s Lair – The Royal court is abuzz today with the arrival of the Lady Bouncee Boobees cousin, Paris Hiltsinn, Heiress to the Hilts Inn Luxury Coach Inn chain (so named for the number of patrons found in the morning with a dagger hilt deep in their back and a smile on their face). The prospect of the two cousins uniting their unique talents at court has the young Ladies of the court dismayed, and young Men of the court anxious.
The arrival of the Lady Hiltsinn was treated as a State event, with the 3rd Hussar Rgt. providing an escort for her trip from the port to Wolf’s Lair. Scurrilous unconfirmed rumors at court say after her arrival the Ladies Boobees and Hiltsinn stayed at the Regimental barracks for several hours personally thanking each trooper in the Regiment.